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Keep Calm and Focus.

Another WHOAment in Time With Tiffany: Keep Calm and Focus.

I have been blessed with an innate ability to effectively convey my thoughts and feelings to others through writing.  Growing up, my mother (who I deem as “verbally gifted”) encouraged me to put pen to paper.  She always said, ‘Tiffany, if you can’t say it, write it’ and I’ve been doing that ever since.  From writing essays to love letters to journaling to blogging to writing short stories and now a novel, I know that words – more importantly, my words – matter. 

“…the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.”

John 6:63 (KJV)

A few years back, our Pastor led us through a message series titled “God Has A Plan For You”. During that series, we learned that God has put a special gift inside us all.  Although not all choose to use their gifts and talents for it, God put them there so He can be glorified.  Some may have the gift of organization; others may have the gift of teaching our youth; others may have a special knack for baking or rapping or dancing or hitting three pointers and baskets without much effort or public speaking or…  As you can see, the lists are endless.  

Through the series we were given practical steps for identifying these special gifts and were told to ask God how He wanted us to use them.  Even a talent or gift that someone may deem silly or minute should be used for God.  You just have to ask Him to lead you in it.  For example, who would have thought that I could use the erotica in my short stories to motivate married couples?  God did.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above…”

 James 1:17 (NIV)

During this series, I recognized and it was confirmed by the Holy Spirit that I have a God-given “writing assignment”.  I am to reach people using my words.  Hence, the reason you are reading this WHOAment!

  

In 2008 a series of life changing events occurred for me and it was during that time that an insatiable desire to write blogs, short stories and a novel began to brew inside me and it was somewhere between then and now that I have developed the longing to write full time at home while taking care of our household.  Although I am not sure of exactly how that looks, my husband and I have begun preparing for the transition.

My now husband was one of the first people to encourage me to use my writing as more than just a hobby.  With his support, I have dreamed of the day when my first book deal is made; when my name reaches multitudes who want to learn more about developing their relationship with Christ because they read a chapter of my book that sparked their curiosity; or receiving an encouraging message from a wife or married couple who read one of my blog entries and were encouraged and motivated to keep the sexual spark in their marriage; or meeting someone in person who saw me online and found that I am what I write about.  One day it is going to happen.  After all, God promised me!

“I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.”

Genesis 12:2-3 (NIV)

Even as I write this WHOAment, I can reflect back to countless times that God placed me in the right situations at the right times and used the right people to unknowingly open doors for me that lead directly to His plan for me.  Although I don’t know how it will all happen, I can see God’s plan unfurling and I like what I see!

He led our former CEO to give me an unexpected, unrequested raise with management benefits (without having to formally manage anyone but myself) so that my Former Director could notice my new title and select me to transfer to a new position working directly with her with lots more flexibility, which will, ultimately, make transitioning from work to home seamless!  In my current position, when God gives me the green light, I will be able to walk away with nothing and no one holding me back.  

Wait.  You did hear me say “Former”, as in these two people (unknowingly) played vital roles in my life’s plan and now they have moved on.  It’s ironic because when they left, I was not happy to see either of them go and I even had the nerve to “feel some kind of way” about them leaving me.  But God…

Yet, even as I make these acknowledgements and declarations, if I am not faithful to guard my destiny and lose focus, even for a minute, I can give the adversary room to creep in and blur my vision.  There are times when I can see his attempts coming from miles away.  When this happens, I am able to side step them, redirect and keep it moving.  Then there are times when they come in nice looking packages with sparkles and bows! 

This WHOAment is about how I almost swayed from God’s plan in an attempt to create my own.

Last year before she left, my Former Director approached me with an offer to become a Supervisor for her staff.  Without batting an eyelash, I quickly let her know that supervising others was not something I wanted to do.  Yes, I had the experience and skills to do it, but, ultimately, my goal was to write full time – from home.  “Surprisingly” (or not), she agreed that I should be doing that as well.  Although every once in a while, she would do a “check in” and ask me, just to make sure that I hadn’t changed my mind.  I never swayed and always declined. 

Shortly after the Former Director left, our CEO also abruptly left the organization.  Her sudden departure began a shakeup that has led to large scale reorganizations throughout and  left many employees feeling insecure and uncertain about their jobs.  I, too, wasn’t comfortable with the new system of things and felt that it would be the perfect opportunity to, like they did, jump ship because I didn’t think that I should stick around and find out what would come next.  It came out of the clear blue and was a reactionary emotion to the circumstances around me.  I approached my husband and he, being the wise one that he is, he advised me not to leave while I was emotional or because it was the “easy” thing to do.  He also reminded me that the world is filled with “unknowns”, which is why we are to walk by faith and not by sight.  He was right.

Fast forward about a month later and I was approached by upper management, once again, to become a Supervisor, emphasizing the urgency and need for a strong management team to be in place during this time.  This time the plea began from a friend who is a Manager.  I’ll call her “Sarah” for the sake of this story.  She said that because of my skillset and work ethic, I would be a perfect candidate for the position. Because she and I work closely together, I felt that she was coming from a good place and that her plea was sincere.  

Soon after, others approached me, wanting me to become a Supervisor.  I have to confess that with the increased uncertainties, the better their offers seemed. Maybe I was the voice of stability that the staff needed.  Once I began to entertain the possibility of accepting the position, the more sparkly the package became. The box seemed to turn the perfect hue of “Tiffany blue”.  Even the staff, who had been reactive to the all of the changes before seemed more positive and calm.  Maybe the change in their attitudes was because I was “supposed” to lead them? 

I went to my husband with this “wonderful news” and no matter how many times we talked about it, our conversations always seemed to go something like this:

TC: “Babe! So I’ve been talking to “Sarah” about the possibility of becoming a Supervisor. I think it may be a great opportunity. 

  

LT: [Puzzled] “What happened to wanting to stay home?  We’ve began to set things in motion for making that happen.  I thought that you didn’t want to be a Supervisor.”

TC: “Well...um… Staying at home is still something that I want to do.  But this would just be in the meantime.  Besides, I could do this until it’s time to transition.  The new position would also offer more money.”

LT: [Still puzzled] “I’m not sure what has changed in your desires.  But it sounds like a distraction to me to get you off what you know to do… Have you prayed about it?”

TC: “Well, yes and I haven’t gotten an answer yet.  But I wanted to talk to you about it because I think that it is a great opportunity”.  

(Side note: Did I really say that I had prayed but hadn’t gotten an answer yet?! Then why were we even having this conversation?? Sounds like I was off-task to me…But back to the WHOAment.)

LT: “You should start there and then let’s talk.”

After about a week, I met with management about the position, once again. Although I was unsettled about the decision I’d make, I wanted to know exactly what I was getting myself into.  They questioned me.  I questioned them.  I answered their questions.  They answered mine.  After this meeting, I now had a clearer picture of what my role as a supervisor would be.  Although I didn’t verbalize it then, it would mean more money, more work, more responsibilities, less flexibility and less chances of making a clean break.

 

Yet, in all that I still ignored God’s voice – my answered prayer – and tried to justify why it would be ok to change the course and take this scenic route to my destination, rather than the clear way of God’s leading.

“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”

Proverbs 14:12 (NIV)

This time, I went to my husband armed with more information.  I was sure that once he heard all of the perks, he would see that my latest “desire” was doable.  Yet, once again, our conversation went something like the others:

TC: “I have more information about the position.  I would have a staff of 20 employees.  There is more pay.  I won’t have to work weekends or late….”

LT: [Not convinced] “I still think it’s a distraction.  Right now, you have all of the flexibility without complications.  Money isn’t an issue for us and you shouldn’t use it to judge whether or not you should accept the position.  It is your decision, but I think it’s a distraction from doing what you know to do.  You shouldn’t be doing something just because they asked you to. You say it’s in the meantime of doing what you really want to do.  But think of all the people we know who should be doing something else, but they are stuck doing something they don’t need to be doing “in the meantime”…”

  

Now, I have to mention that my husband is very, very supportive of me.  He is one of my biggest fans and encouragers.  I wholeheartedly believe that if I approached him one day and said that I want to count all the stars in the night sky, he would make sure I had the warmest blanket, comfiest chair and best telescope so that I could be the best star counter ever.  So it kind of threw me for a loop that he wasn’t supporting me in this effort.  However, as much as he loves and supports me, God has given him wisdom and knowledge to lead our family.  I love him because he does not take his assignment as the head of our household lightly.  He is led by the Holy Spirit and counsels me wisely.

Looking past everything he advised, I decided that if the position was really for me they would accept me, on my terms.  So I counter-offered their salary proposal by requesting even more money.  Maybe I thought that if I was going to accept a position that may not have been “right”, it would be justified if it was “worth it”.

Well, you already know what happened.  They accepted.  That was on a Friday.  (Un)surprisingly when they accepted, instead of feeling excited, I felt uneasy.  I could only hear my husband’s words in my head, ‘You are not doing what you know to do’…’Have you asked God?’…’Seems like a distraction to me’.  Because I also remember him saying that it was my decision to make,  I accepted the position.  But still feeling unsettled, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about the acceptance with my husband.  I figured that I would wait until the “right time” over the weekend to broach the subject with him. 

That Sunday, just a day and half later, during our new message series titled “Living Blessed”, Pastor Rick by leading of the Holy Spirit seemed to go off script to make an admonishment.  Although he was not speaking directly to me, he was speaking to me!  The points he made could have only been from God because he confirmed every single thing that my husband had.  Here are some of the things Pastor Rick said:

• ‘I’m the one given by God to step on your toes.’  (Ouch!  I felt it coming).

•   ‘He’s ordered your steps.  He said ‘I’ve freely given you everything and you chose not to seek my counsel.  Take heed and beware’.’

• ‘People uproot themselves from where God has planted them for all the wrong reasons.  They choose to move for stuff and things.  God does not plant you and then haphazardly uproot you.’                                                                                       
• ‘Are you a cheap prostitute…choosing to sell out for a couple thousand dollars?  Or a job?  Or a position?  Or for esteem?  Because of peer pressure?’

• ‘When you are busy working on your own plan, you can’t hear God telling you His.’

• ‘People are easily distracted. They say they are going to do something that God hasn’t instructed them to do “for a short time”.  How do you know how long your “meantime/in between time” will last?”

As tears fell from my eyes, I knew.  I knew that I couldn’t go against God’s explicate directions for my life.  I knew that I was not to do anything until I heard from Him.  Yet, I disobeyed.  I knew that He used my husband’s voice to “whisper” directions to me.  I knew he used my Pastor’s voice to “yell” the cautions to me.  I knew that if I decided to take the job, surely I wouldn’t be in line with God’s plans for my life.  That is why I had such an uneasy feeling about accepting the position. I was not led by God to accept.  I was working out my own plan and not allowing God to work His plan through me.

It was abundantly clear what I had to do.  It was so clear that I could barely contain the excitement of getting back on track and on the road to success.  I asked for forgiveness from God for not following Him or my husband.  I knew it would be an uncomfortable conversation to have with the Management Team because they were excited when I accepted the position.  To have to go back and retract my acceptance was humbling, to say the least.  But what I love about my Savior is that even those times when I stumble and get off task, He allows room for course corrections.

”…though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”

 

Psalm 37:24  (NIV)

Although I didn’t know going into the meeting how I would break the news to them that I couldn’t take the job, I met with both “Sarah” and my Director to let them know that I had to rescind my acceptance.  I was out of order for accepting it in the first place. 1) I heard God’s voice and direction and was tempted to not heed to it.  2) I made a decision without being in total agreement with my husband.

 ”For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

Ephesians 5:23 (NIV)

After our meetings, both “Sarah” and my Director, said they understood completely and respected me even more for making such a “tough decision” and coming to them about it.  In the words of my Director, ‘Sucks for us’...  but I know you have to do what’s right for you.’  In the words of “Sarah”, ‘who do we get to replace the irreplaceable?!’

I laughed but in all seriousness, I don’t even want to find out.  God is truly irreplaceable and I would be a fool to act as if He isn’t.

”For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.”

“But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.”

“Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

Luke 12:30-32 (NKJV)

 Selah!

~TC

Note from TC: Now that you've read my testimony and confession, you need to ask yourself these questions:

1. Has God given me instructions for my life that I know I am not following?

2. Am I on my assignment or am I deceiving myself in thinking that I can make my own plan work?

3. What is my special gift?  How can I use it to glorify God?

4. Have I uprooted myself from God's plan chasing after my own desires, esteem, etc?

Remember: God allows us to make course corrections. It's never too late to get back on your task...until it is too late!

Reap What You Sow? Or Nah?

Another WHOAment in Time with Tiffany:

Reap What You Sow? Or Nah?

 

We’ve all heard the saying “You reap what you sow.”

It’s usually stated when a Christian sees someone who is faced with challenges or “struggles”, right? Maybe you’ve heard it this way: “So and so is going through that because they are reaping what they sowed.” I know I’ve said it and I’ve definitely heard it.

For example, when we hear that someone, who has done us wrong (in our eyes), is faced with unforeseen sickness, financial strain, or some other unfortunate event or circumstance, it is common for some to put on self-righteous glasses and peer down judgmental noses and condemn their “enemy” by saying ‘God don’t like ugly and they are paying for messing with a child of the Most High!’ This is usually either followed by eye-rolling, high fives or a “I know that’s right!”

Am I stepping on any toes?  Come on. You can admit it. I won’t tell anyone.

First off, I will say that the Bible does speak of sowing and reaping. However, usually, it is tied to God’s principle of giving and receiving and sowing into the Kingdom of Heaven.  It is not always about punishment and wrath.  Yet, there are those people who have been conditioned to think so highly of themselves that they believe these scriptures mean that if a person treats another person “bad”, they will reap something bad from God.

Think about it. You really don’t hear that someone is reaping what they’ve sown when referring to something good that has happened. Instead, you will hear them say that ‘so and so is richly blessed because they blessed others’ or because ‘they are “living right”’.

 Do you see the contrast?

As professed Believers, we often quote scriptures and proclaim that ‘our God is a good God who loves us in spite of us’ and that ‘He pours out His grace and love on all of His children because he is not a respecter of person’ and that ‘He reigns on the just as well as the unjust’.

Which one of those statements do you hold true? Does it depend on the situation and the players who are involved? Is sowing and reaping only applied when someone has wronged you and you think they need to be punished for your perceived mistreatment?

Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe your “enemy” has been diagnosed with cancer because they didn’t heed the Surgeon General’s warnings that smoking can lead to cancer or death?

Maybe they are going through financial strains because they aren’t good stewards of their money.

Maybe they lost their job because the company was downsizing and had no choice but to let them go.

Maybe their dog bit them because they were feeding it the wrong dog food.

Maybe their cat scratched them because its nails were too long.

The list of circumstances could go on and on. But they all have one thing in common: THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!  Let me repeat. THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR GOD PUNISHING THEM ON YOUR BEHALF.

God’s love is unconditional. Thank God! He doesn’t first look at our faults and decide to love us or not. In fact, He doesn’t look at our faults or deeds at all. He loves us in spite of us. So why would He change His ways to suit our needs?

Can you imagine if God really did work this way? We would all walk around hurting, broke, sick, in pain and just plain pitiful because, well let’s face it, every one of us has done some thing(s) in our lifetime that didn’t sit right with others. At least I know I have.  But then again, raise your hand if you are perfect and have never made mistakes or decisions that adversely affected others. I’ll wait…. Hmmm. I don’t see any hands so I can assume that I am correct.  We all have done things that could be deemed as “wrong” or “bad” to someone else.

Yet, God doesn’t punish people. People punish people. Therefore, God will never, ever, ever punish someone on your behalf. Sorry to disappoint you. God is not a bully or an attack dog waiting for you, or anyone else, to say “sick ‘em”.

Let’s renew our minds today. The next time someone who has done “wrong” to you, or someone else, is faced with unfortunate circumstances, please don’t take credit for it (or blame God). Instead, pray for them and their situation. Pray that they rely, solely, on God to fix their circumstances. Pray that no matter what, God is glorified. Pray that hearts are changed (yours or theirs) and that circumstances turn around. Take yourself and your feelings out of the equation. Remember, what they are going through has nothing to do with you. Above all, remember to show them Christ’s love. You will be blessed because of it.

So the next time you hear someone else say, “They are going through that because they are reaping what they sowed.” Simply ask, “Well if that’s true, what about all the good things they’ve done?” They will look at you and hopefully have a WHOAment!

Selah!

~Tiffany

Tiffany’s Side Note: When I was writing this, I thought about the times the Bible mentions that ‘He will make my enemies be a footstool’. Could this mean that they will be put down and I will be elevated? Not quite. After researching more, I had another WHOAment.  God will turn it so their actions will be under my feet. When something is under your feet, you won’t stumble on it. It is no longer an obstacle. It is nonexistent and a moot point.  I will walk as though it doesn’t exist. Their actions won’t stop me from having favor with others. Their actions won’t hinder me from praising God.  Their actions will simply be “their actions” and they will have no effect on me.  It is more about how I react to them. As usual, it’s about me, not them.

 

Father's Day Tribute: Lorenzo Thompson

Happy Father's Day to Our Hero: Lorenzo Thompson!

Before Lorenzo and I married, we had discussions around combining our two families and our expectations surrounding parenting. Lorenzo had a teenage daughter from a previous relationship and I had a six year old and a toddler, also from a previous relationship.

Having witnessed the “hands off” relationship between Jazmyn and her biological father, my mother also had her reservations and concerns about how Lorenzo would parent the girls. She wanted to make sure that my next mate would treat me and her granddaughters right. In her words, she wanted Jazmyn to finally experience being ‘a daddy’s girl’.

Ultimately, we decided that together we would raise our daughters in a Christian home, preparing them to become virtuous women. Lorenzo’s daughter would become my daughter and my daughters would become Lorenzo’s. We would raise each of our girls as though they were our biological children.

Once we married, due to the physical distance between us and her age, my “parenting” of Denae was somewhat limited.  Often times she would call me for motherly advice and to get my opinion on a range of topics. When she came for her regular visits, I would finally get the opportunity to love on her in person. I loved it. I was always happy to see her come and was equally sad when it was time for her to leave us. Although she is in college now and has “left the nest”, so to speak, she is my oldest daughter. My face lights up whenever I talk about her.

On the flip side, because I have full custody of Jazmyn and Kayla, Lorenzo’s interaction with them is on a daily basis. For most men, it is a huge responsibility to raise another man’s child fulltime. In fact, I have come in contact with men, both biological fathers and stepfathers, who shun their responsibilities by either running for the hills or quietly sitting back while watching the mother raise “her” children, only assisting if or when they are called upon.

In true fashion, from the day we married to now, Lorenzo has stepped up to the plate!  True to his word he has treated our three daughters equally. They are all his daughters and he is their Daddy.

When they are not feeling well, it isn’t to me that the girls run. It is to Lorenzo. He uses his expertise to comfort and soothe them. He is also usually the one that coordinates their day care when they are out of school. It is Lorenzo who fixes their lunches. It is Lorenzo who helps Jazmyn with her homework, making sure she understands and completes it. Lorenzo makes sure he spends quality time with both girls, making sure they are taken care of. Likewise, Lorenzo is also involved in correcting and disciplining the girls. The list goes on and on of all the ways he is involved in our daughters’ lives.

Most people who don’t know our history automatically assume that Jazmyn and Kayla are Lorenzo’s biological children. He is just that in tuned with them.  

To give you an example of just how involved he is, there was one occasion when Lorenzo went out of town for a few days on a business trip. Once Jazmyn realized that he would be gone, her first question was, “Who is going to take care of us?” The “us” was not only her and her sister, but included me as well. All I could do was laugh. Yet, her question was a confirmation of answered prayers and a true testament of just how blessed we all are to have Lorenzo Thompson in our lives.

To quote my Grandmother, “Lorenzo takes care of his girls...”

Raising someone else’s child means that not only do they not have your DNA or genes; it means that they may also exhibit traits and behaviors that are foreign to you and your spouse. It can be challenging. However, Lorenzo has told me that in spite of these challenges, he knows that he can’t sit back idly because he has been given an assignment – directly from God – to train, teach and guide our family, and as such, he will never slack on his job just because it would be, seemingly, “easier” to sit back in the wings. Knowing that I am not alone in raising our daughters makes my heart warm. Knowing that I have a participating partner is comforting.

“The Lord has blessed me because of you” 

Genesis 30:27 TLB

This Father’s Day, I would like to salute and celebrate my children’s FATHER, Lorenzo Thompson!

I also dedicate this WHOAment to all of the men who are raising children who are not biologically yours!

God sees our diligence and will reward you for your efforts.

Happy Father's Day!!!

Selah!

~Tiffany

Daddy and Denae

Daddy and Jazmyn

 

Daddy and Kayla